Day 608, March 2, 2022

Efficacy

Working in higher education, the question is often, how much impact can one person make? Will my one meeting with a student help alter a course that needs correction? Will changing one process or policy make a noticeable difference in retention, in equity, in the lived experience of students? And then, ultimately, the question becomes, will all the individual efforts of many different people, collectively make a difference?

My boss talks about not fixing the student, but fixing the system that is created in a way that works better for some learners, but not all learners. 

And then there is the compromise of scale when we are talking about hundreds, thousands of students. What is the current human capacity within a limited frame of time? 

A colleague talked today about a rowdy group of college students surrounding a woman driving a car, and as a group, rocking the car back and forth on its wheels. In addition to being terrifying for the person in the car, it is also an illustration of the kind of energy human beings can harness… channeled in naughty ways, channeled in positive and constructive ways, and ordered in utterly destructive and ruthless ways. But often, that energy’s impact is diffuse, we do not see the ultimate impact, sometimes it may not even be recognized for many years. So, to turn that image around, imagine an entire college’s faculty and staff facing one student and working to lift them over their heads. Terrifying, but also awesome in the harnessed capacity.

But some days are more tiresome than others. The sun was bright coming in the window and I didn’t bother to draw the shade because I was enjoying the warmth. I spent a lot of time looking out on the giant penis drawn in the snow. Mid-morning, a young woman went out and turned the testicles into swirling eyeballs and gave it a tongue and teeth. The whole effect made it more abstract, but still distracting every time I turned in that direction, like seeing a flock of geese taking flight out of the corner of my eye.

So, I was asking myself, would a seminar for students in need of assistance help? Would I make a better impact working with a group of students rather than one at a time? I began to doubt myself. I think I would become boring and there’s nothing more terrifying for an educator than to become boring.

A student came today, who was a frequent visitor last semester. She spoke really loud, and had a word tattooed in script right above her waistband. My office is small and she had a lot of energy. I tried to manage to be helpful, but afterwards felt like I could use a nap. I wonder how old and square I must seem to someone with so many piercings studded with stones that matched her shirt and jacket.

I wrote to a Ukrainian student today. Let him know I was thinking of him and his family and his homeland. How much is too little? I saw a video last night of a street filled with unarmed civilians marching on a street to meet a column of armored vehicles. So many people, it looked like an Earth Day celebration, or a Pro-Choice rally. But, of course, it was not. 

I hope there was recognition when those two opposing forces meet. I hope there is a gentle rocking of tanks on their treads, and maybe a little backing off, or just a standstill, a moment to breathe and relish being alive. Maybe someone will take the moment to draw something lewd in the snow, and the other people will laugh. Maybe they will all get tired and decide to call it a day and go home.