Day 136, July 30, 2020
The 98% Pacifist
Tonight's Soundtrack: 30 Minutes of Jimmy Smith Live in '65!
So, we often talk about microaggressions when talking about little instances of unconscious bias, or ignorance, or little examples of racism that the perpetrator often has no idea they are perpetrating, and taken by itself, it might be a little thing, like someone adopting a fake Asian accent and saying, "Ah, what a bargain." Or, calling Japanese people, Japs... calling the Corona virus the Kung Flu... or walking up to a random Asian person and start making chopping motions... or White people making assumptions about someone's nationality because they had a Korean, or Filipino, or Chinese, girlfriend and so they know you must be that nationality. And taken as an individual instance, the microaggressions are not giant offenses. They are not the person yelling, "Chink!" out the car window. They are not the person telling me to go home where I came from. But, those little microaggressions add up cumulatively over one's lifetime, and that is what makes them so challenging and triggering. Over time, microaggression on top of microaggression adds up and the collective effect is as harmful as something much more vicious and explicit.
And then there are the more explicit versions of microaggressions. What do we call those?
Tonight, I listed another guitar for sale. In general people are very kind and helpful as we navigate this strange pandemic world together, and someone suggested I take it to a local store to trade it in and then proceeded to list all the attributes of this store, almost like an advertisement. I am, of course, a strong proponent of buying local and supporting our local stores. But this particular store, I haven't set foot in for over a decade.Back when my youngest was still small enough to coerce into accompanying me into music stores as we passed through town, I brought her with me into this particular store. So, she must have been around five or six years old. I had my pattern of looking at the effects pedals that had come in, checking out the room of amplifiers, then to appease my daughter's waning attention, we would play on a keyboard or two, then I would look for any interesting used guitars.
We were the only two customers in the store. As we moved from the keyboard room into the main store to look at guitars, two of the clerks started playing what I call the chink tune. You know the one. The tune that played any time an Asian character appeared on a cartoon. I stared at them, and they played it over and over, and even smiled at me and my daughter.
I try to uphold the idea that I am a pacifist. In fact, I tell people I am 98-99% a pacifist. But that 1-2% gets triggered by overt racism directed at me or my kids.
I took my daughter into the breezeway (I don't know if this was good or negligent parenting) and sternly told her to stay there. Somehow she sensed I was serious and she stayed there as the door closed behind me. I was furious, nearly ready to pick up a guitar and start smashing things in imitation of a berserk Pete Townshend. I confronted the clerks, and asked what the hell they were doing.
They claimed innocence, that they were just practicing a song, learning how to play, "Turning Japanese" a song by the Vapors. I let them know that I didn't think it was coincidence that they were playing that over and over when the only two people in their store were Asian. They started to argue that music could not be racist. I started to get sucked into the conversation and tried to explain that there was a reason that Stephane Grappelli refused to play "Shine" towards the end of his life, and I'm sure if I had more time and a lower blood pressure I could have come up with many more examples. But as it was, I at wits end and either was going to break and throw things, or I was going take my daughter and leave.
I took my daughter and left. And I have never returned.
I recognize that the store has changed ownership, I don't even know if the people who were there back then still work at the store. I know people who are friends with at least one of the people who was working that day, and he is a nice and kind person, and later wrote me an apology.
But I still get a visceral response walking by that store... and apparently, reading about it in a Facebook post.
It is one of those instances in my life that I always wonder if I made the right choice. If by walking away if I had let yet another instance of onerous offense to go on without repercussion, without action on my part. I walked away ineffective in my complaint, and had to explain to my daughter what was causing me such anger and frustration... that pent up fury that could have been released if I swung a Stratocaster by the neck and shattered glass cases, splintered acoustic guitars, and scattered penny whistles. But I didn't, and over the years, maybe fifteen or more, I have harbored that anger and aggression. Not at any one individual, but at the store, the location, the existence of that place that was so viscerally humiliating in front of my daughter. It is exhausting to carry that embedded in one's self.
I have become practiced at letting go, breathing deep, closing my eyes, thinking of something else. If I were better trained, more spiritual, less trapped by the fixtures of this Earth, I would perhaps be able to visit that store again and walk unencumbered through that town. But I haven't reached that level of enlightenment yet. I would like to, some day.
I also recognize that, in the grand scheme of things, the instances I have experienced of outright racism are in comparison small and far fewer than the instances other people of color experience. So, I suck it up. I have empathy for their experiences in this world. And, when my friends and acquaintances say they are too tired to respond, or they need to focus on their own well being, or that they can no longer tolerate sitting through another discussion of people just beginning to understand... I nod and agree that their response is valid and justified.
Engaging in this anti-racism work is hard, and for many of us, it is a life-long endeavor, whether we choose to engage in it or not. Sometimes, it can feel tremendously rewarding. There can be moments that it feels like you can change the world. And then there are other moments that are utterly personal, and terrible, and filled with despair.
So, all we can do is aspire to be better. To do better. To help others to be better. Even though sometimes it is hard and even though sometimes you just need to take a break.
Take care and peace to you,
Leo
From Our Friends:
From the Vermont Studio Center:
Major Jackson Discusses Poetry and Life Via Virtual VSC
“One of the journeys of my life is learning to see closer and closer, to pay attention, to be awakened to the world around me, and the people.” That's one of many poignant quotes from renowned poet, university professor, and VSC Trustee Major Jackson, shared during the Virtual VSC reading and conversation hosted by VSC Writing Program Manager Carlene Kucharczyk that you'll find here. Also read Carlene's blog on Major Jackson's latest book.
From GCC's Sta Maodzwa:
This week 7/31 Sta Maodzwa, a no-till farmer from Zimbabwe talks about sustainable food production and restoring dignified access to food.
Are you ready to grow your own food and medicine for self-reliance and community resilience? First Fridays, experienced Black womxn* farmers answer your call-in questions about gardening, livestock, agroforestry, plant medicine, business operations, and food preservation. At the end of the show we have a GIVEAWAY to the person who wins our quiz. To free ourselves we must feed ourselves!
Ask a Sista Farmer, Fridays, 4:00-4:40 Eastern
On Facebook Live @ https://www.facebook.com/soulfirefarm/
Facebook Event https://www.facebook.com/events/539087153384648/
**Ask A Sista Farmer centers the voices of Black, Indigenous, People-of-Color, Queer, Trans*, Disabled, Immigrant, and Poor communities. Everyone is welcome to watch and listen, but please make space for centered folks to share. Thank you.
** Sista and womxn includes trans* and nonbinary folks
From Academics for Black Survival and Wellness:
From Higher Ed Jobs:
Can History Soothe the Pain of 2020 for Academia?
by Andrew Hibel
As higher education navigates uncertain times, can looking back at history assuage some of our concerns? Higher education has endured many trials and tribulations over the years and our current reality will make history as yet another trial. In this Higher Ed Careers interview, we hear from John Thelin, university research professor of history of higher education & public policy at the University of Kentucky, on how higher education has persevered throughout history.
by Andrew Hibel
As higher education navigates uncertain times, can looking back at history assuage some of our concerns? Higher education has endured many trials and tribulations over the years and our current reality will make history as yet another trial. In this Higher Ed Careers interview, we hear from John Thelin, university research professor of history of higher education & public policy at the University of Kentucky, on how higher education has persevered throughout history.From the It Gets Better Project:
EduGuide: Queer, There, and Everywhere
Check out the EduGuide for Queer, There, and Everywhere, a book highlighting 23 LGBTQ+ icons from history who invented, radicalized, and trail-blazed.
From the Rural Assembly:
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From Consequence Magazine:
Our August event is just around the bend, and we are honored to be bringing Nguyễn Phan Quế Mai, author of The Mountains Sing, to your Zoom screen. Our co-sponsors are Newtonville Books, one of our literary neighbors, andThe William Joiner Institute, our neighbor on the harbor at UMass Boston.
Registration is required.
Registration is required.
Today's Online Teaching Tips:
From Education Admin Web Advisor:
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From Academic Impressions:
Views of Online Education During the Pandemic
Report | Strada Education
Among the findings of a new survey:
- Three in 10 Americans say that even if COVID-19 was not a threat, they’d prefer an online-only learning option.
- Recent graduates of programs at online institutions rate the value of their education higher than graduates of other four-year colleges.
- Nearly half of women would choose an exclusively online option if they enrolled in the next six months.
First-Gen Students: Amid the Pandemic, Tales of Determination
Article | CNBC
Lost jobs, lost apartments, a responsibility to care for family members and more - but amid all these challenges, first-generation students communicate a determination to succeed and get their college degree to improve their lives' and their families'. Read more.
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