Day 31, April 16, 2020

The Theory of Possibility

It snowed this morning. Which makes me feel like April really is the cruelest month. The wood stove is still going, though I almost let it burn out again. We are starting to run low on a few staple items. I finished the last of the cranapple juice, which has been my guilty pleasure... one of my guilty pleasures over the course of the pandemic. I think we are supposed to treat juice like soda or sugar cereal these days, but damn, I love a glass of juice poured over ice.

My favorite photo of Julie Graham.

I was reading this morning about how we write to explore things we fear, that we often turn to writing out of sorrow or loss, or when we are seeking solace. I suppose there is that for me, but other times, and this happens with music too, I am merely a conduit, whatever is drifting around in the atmosphere combines with what I had for dinner last night, and maybe a dream that was interrupted by my alarm, and whatever curry that makes, emerges on the page.

But if I am honest, for many years I specialized in writing about longing, focused on what was missing in life, what one yearned for. In fiction, there is safety and productivity in that. You can wallow in nostalgia, in the things that make you miserable, because then you can really write about those things in a visceral kind of way. 

I have also written a fair amount of non-fiction... not as much creative non-fiction, but more the academic side of writing, dissertations, chapters, and articles, and there I tried the embrace the ethos of my mentors J.K. Gibson-Graham and embrace a theory of possibility. They proselytize the performative action, the creative action of generating knowledge and how that then forms reality, births a thing into existence. It is a beautiful alternative approach, that doesn't ignore the existence of suffering or inequality, but promotes starting where you are and moving forward from there.

Julie Graham used to tell a story about how she had spent so much of her career angry and railing against the system, and that she was good at it. She would get all her students angry and railing against the system, but it was exhausting and hard to be angry so much of the time. Then, I think it was in the last ten years of her career, she shifted to a theory of possibility, and instead of focusing on all the failures of capitalism, she started to focus on all the examples of where non-capitalist and alternative-capitalist models were not only working, but thriving. That shift made every one of her classes a kind of celebration. Let's highlight all the examples that refute the idea that capitalism is the only valid model. Let's become a beacon. 

I remember the last time I saw Julie. It was at her house in Shutesbury and she was leaving for Australia the next day. She expressed a tenderness to me that was motherly in affection, and afterwards, felt like she almost knew that would be the last time we saw each other. I think my relationship with Julie was hampered a bit by her larger than life presence, like sitting with a guru, where I always felt deferential and just pleased to be in her presence. But, for those last few years, I was also part personal care attendant, not so much with the physical needs, but in helping with the construction of her classes after her bout with throat cancer. We explored technology and built a curriculum that integrated student constructed movies, a wiki, and a course blog. We would grade together, and I learned from her the same way I learned from Ivon when I was guitar building. I listened and tried to understand... and at some point, I did begin to understand. At the core, the concepts are basic, malleable, and simultaneously immutable, like any profound thing. 

Julie passed away ten years ago. It is hard to imagine that much time passing so quickly. How after she died, I alternated between being a dedicated disciple, to being lost in the dessert, and then coming back around, to where all those things I studied as a graduate student are suddenly front and center again. All the theory and methodologies I employed are coming back to life. It feels good, like visiting with a good friend once again. 

The first time I met Julie, we sat outside of Rao's Coffee in the bright sunlight of early summer, and she asked me to define an economy. It was a kind of interview, I think. She was trying to decide if I was someone she was going to be able to work with. After a little bit of back and forth, the definition we ended up with, was that an economy was a system designed to improve the quality of life for people. And, when economies lost track of that central purpose, that was when things went awry. I remember that so vividly, because it was something I have always felt, and perhaps to find a mentor who felt that belief so deeply, so profoundly, I suppose it was a little like finding religion.

When I think about what it means to be busy, to overcome adversity, to be immersed one's life's work, I think of Julie and what she created with J.K. Gibson-Graham. That was a meaningful life. A student once asked Julie, how can I make the most difference in this world and change the system? She said, by being a teacher you can impact far more people more profoundly than any other action she could imagine. Yes. That.

Love and health to you all,

Leo

The fire pit continues to grow.

The first shoots of knotweed emerging in the center of the fire pit.

From Our Friends:

From Cindy Snow:

A poem by Tess Gallagher:

Irish Weather

Rain squalls cast sideways,

the droplets visible

like wheat grains

sprayed from the combine.

If a person behaved 

this way we'd call them

neurotic.  Given weather, we gust

and plunge with only

small comment: it's 

raining; sun's out.

From Claire Lobdell:

The GCC Library is developing an archive documenting how we have been documented by the COVID-19 pandemic. They are looking for journals, photographs, artwork, social media posts, interviews, or other things. If you are interested in contributing, you can find out more here.

From It Gets Better:

Here's a resource list of organizations serving the LGBTQ+ community in the face of COVID-19.

From The Montague Reporter

This week's issue is posted. You can access it here (no paywall).

Today's Online Teaching Tips:

Good morning chickens!